I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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