That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
