You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
