I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
This toilet bowl is my home.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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