His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
where are my eyebrows?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
