You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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