im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
there is glitter all over my balls
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