I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
