my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Panties = found
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
