I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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