so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize