I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
