**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
