Cold hands, warm shart.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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