I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
