He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize