remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
