Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
