Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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