Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
