Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize