Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
