Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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