Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
