My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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