Already got asked if we're dating
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you would pick up someone in the library
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
