Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize