i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
