singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
