do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
