I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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