I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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