I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
