my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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