just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
