Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
