It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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