All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
