Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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