I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
