she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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