he wants to bone in the snuggie
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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