Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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