You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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