The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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