I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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