I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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