Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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