Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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