my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize