Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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