This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
