my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
