you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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