wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
