Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
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