I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
