Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
