girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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