we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
kristin has been a bad kristin
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
