Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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