My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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