She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize