It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
