things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
