im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
