Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
