I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
