The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
