I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
