I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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