I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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