those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
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